Gettin’ Ready for the State Fair with Roy

Roy D. Mercer’s latest book is all about the State Fair. As anyone who has ever lived in or near a trailer park can tell you, the State Fair is a big event and it requires plenty of planning and not a little fundraising to properly celebrate the fair!

Lucky for us, Roy keeps a little journal just for himself. It started as an attempt to keep track of all the many secret fishing holes and bait recipes he discovered over the years. Roy also takes a few notes about major events in his life, like the coming of the State Fair every fall.

We pulled all his Fair observations together and created a small book for a quick read. It’s only 99 cents over at the Amazon.

Here’s an excerpt to wet your whistle.

 September 5Image

Heard a great new song on the radio today. Something ‘bout, “It’s a mighty good life when you gotta good wife that’s honeycured.”

We’s doin’ the best we can with what we got, I reckon. All in all I’d say we had us a good week. Got me a new satellite dish. Well, actually, it ain’t a real store bought one. It’s one me and Raymond pieced together out of the guts of an old dish and one of the 57 triple-D fiberglass cups Sharon Gene wears under her chest protecter when she’s umpin’ softball. Gets 57 channels, but for some reason all of ‘em are Fox. Maybe it needs some adjustment.

Speakin’ of Sharon Gene, she’s been a-fastin’ this week. Doin’ perdy good, really. Now she’s down to just two in-between-meal snacks. Tryin’ to shed her a few pounds off before the fair starts next weekend. Last year she got so big from the weight she gained down there she made the punkin on her Halloween sweatshirt look like a nectarine.

And Lateesha’s gettin’ ready for the fair, too. She started buyin’ them generic cigarettes about two months ago and savin’ the extry money so she could get on that mechanical claw and win us enough turquoise jack-knives to give all the nieces and nephews for Christmas.

ImageGot out and fished a time or two this week. First time I got out was back on – I know it weren’t Monday ‘cause that was the day Bon Jovi ate one of the neighbor’s Guinea hens and spent the afternoon howlin’ tryin’ to pass all the feathers. So it musta been Tuesday.

Went down to a pond on Lou Smoltz’s place. Lou’s the little wirey old feller that used to have the hogs down there. And then he went up north for a while and had some kindy fight with the Irish up there. Now he’s down here tryin’ to train a bunch of fightin’ gamecocks.

Done perdy good at his pond. Caught three or four bass big as a Sunday newspaper down there on nothin’ but BBQ Corn Nuts that had soaked overnight in buttermilk.

Then Wednesday, I went over to Cousin Doyle’s house to get his share of the money we’re collectin’ to send Mammaw Upshaw to a Winston Cup race next year for her 70th birthday. Got to talkin’ and me and him ended up down there on Lake Hershey-Squirta. That’s Crow. It means “brave who gathers many leaves.” Went down there and run Doyle’s trotlines. Caught two mud cats and then had to come in cause of all the drizzlin’. Doyle’s boys are all talented. They’ve got them a singin’ group called End Stink.

And yesterday, I’s havin’ a cup a coffee and a maple log down there to C.C. Berryman’s Cafe. C.C. was tellin’ me how he was draggin’ brim the size of truck batteries from down there off the middle finger of Divorce Creek. For some reason it’s kindy like real divorce, except when you’re fishin’ in Divorce Creek, after your bait’s dead, the fish’ll finally quit bitin’.

Roy D. Mercer’s ‘State Fair Follies’ Delivers More Laughs Than a Car Full of Clowns

Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family, there’s fishing, and there’s the State Fair!

The State Fair comes through in the fall, and it’s a magical time of year for so many in the double-wide community. The stars all align with great weather for football, fishing and fair going – it’s a redneck triple score!

State Fair Follies CoverLucky for us, our friend Roy keeps himself a little journal to document his colorful life. It is a great pleasure to share the state fair adventures of the Mercer clan, especially Roy, his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And, of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

Roy does love to recount the antics of his kids.

“These kids of mine … I swear, sometimes I feel like a daddy and other times I feel more like a chimp handler on a Tarzan movie,” Roy said. “But I guess all kids is that way. One minute they make you so proud of ‘em you cain’t hardly stand it. Next thing you know you catch ‘em lightin’ firecrackers in their teeth and playin’ chicken.”

I believe there’s even a mention or two of Kelly Gene and maybe Merva Gene. Roy is dedicated to his family, even when it’s his wife’s.

“Sharon Gene’s cousin Perlene’s bursitis flared up. And wouldn’t you know it, it’s right before the finals in the all-round blacksmith contest,” Roy said. “I think she had a perdy good chance, too. You see, Perlene had perfected her a way to blow air in just the right place so a horse would lift up its own foot so you could speed-shoe it usin’ both hands. Don’t know why I couldn’t of met that side of the family first.”

For those fans of Roy’s fishing stories, never fear, even the fair can’t keep Roy out of the water. He includes a few fishing trips, secret fishing holes, and maybe even some bait master secrets.

It’s always something at the Mercer trailer and there’s nothing like the state fair to get the house apes out and into the action.

boots (2)State Fair Follies is a short book, perfect for bathroom reading or waiting for a doctor visit. It’s 30 or so pages of Mercer zaniness. It is currently only 99 cents. For a full length book, check out Roy’s “Fishin’ Tales,” available as e-book for $4.99 or trade paperback for only $8.99 thanks to a sale on Amazon.

State Fair Follies at Amazon

Fishin’ Tales at Amazon