Gettin’ Ready for the State Fair with Roy

Roy D. Mercer’s latest book is all about the State Fair. As anyone who has ever lived in or near a trailer park can tell you, the State Fair is a big event and it requires plenty of planning and not a little fundraising to properly celebrate the fair!

Lucky for us, Roy keeps a little journal just for himself. It started as an attempt to keep track of all the many secret fishing holes and bait recipes he discovered over the years. Roy also takes a few notes about major events in his life, like the coming of the State Fair every fall.

We pulled all his Fair observations together and created a small book for a quick read. It’s only 99 cents over at the Amazon.

Here’s an excerpt to wet your whistle.

 September 5Image

Heard a great new song on the radio today. Something ‘bout, “It’s a mighty good life when you gotta good wife that’s honeycured.”

We’s doin’ the best we can with what we got, I reckon. All in all I’d say we had us a good week. Got me a new satellite dish. Well, actually, it ain’t a real store bought one. It’s one me and Raymond pieced together out of the guts of an old dish and one of the 57 triple-D fiberglass cups Sharon Gene wears under her chest protecter when she’s umpin’ softball. Gets 57 channels, but for some reason all of ‘em are Fox. Maybe it needs some adjustment.

Speakin’ of Sharon Gene, she’s been a-fastin’ this week. Doin’ perdy good, really. Now she’s down to just two in-between-meal snacks. Tryin’ to shed her a few pounds off before the fair starts next weekend. Last year she got so big from the weight she gained down there she made the punkin on her Halloween sweatshirt look like a nectarine.

And Lateesha’s gettin’ ready for the fair, too. She started buyin’ them generic cigarettes about two months ago and savin’ the extry money so she could get on that mechanical claw and win us enough turquoise jack-knives to give all the nieces and nephews for Christmas.

ImageGot out and fished a time or two this week. First time I got out was back on – I know it weren’t Monday ‘cause that was the day Bon Jovi ate one of the neighbor’s Guinea hens and spent the afternoon howlin’ tryin’ to pass all the feathers. So it musta been Tuesday.

Went down to a pond on Lou Smoltz’s place. Lou’s the little wirey old feller that used to have the hogs down there. And then he went up north for a while and had some kindy fight with the Irish up there. Now he’s down here tryin’ to train a bunch of fightin’ gamecocks.

Done perdy good at his pond. Caught three or four bass big as a Sunday newspaper down there on nothin’ but BBQ Corn Nuts that had soaked overnight in buttermilk.

Then Wednesday, I went over to Cousin Doyle’s house to get his share of the money we’re collectin’ to send Mammaw Upshaw to a Winston Cup race next year for her 70th birthday. Got to talkin’ and me and him ended up down there on Lake Hershey-Squirta. That’s Crow. It means “brave who gathers many leaves.” Went down there and run Doyle’s trotlines. Caught two mud cats and then had to come in cause of all the drizzlin’. Doyle’s boys are all talented. They’ve got them a singin’ group called End Stink.

And yesterday, I’s havin’ a cup a coffee and a maple log down there to C.C. Berryman’s Cafe. C.C. was tellin’ me how he was draggin’ brim the size of truck batteries from down there off the middle finger of Divorce Creek. For some reason it’s kindy like real divorce, except when you’re fishin’ in Divorce Creek, after your bait’s dead, the fish’ll finally quit bitin’.

Huffington Post calls Roy D. Mercer Funniest Man in America!

Bruce Weinstein, The Ethics Guy at Huffington Post, today declared our very own Roy D. Mercer the funniest man in America!

Here’s the opening of the Huffington Post article:
The funniest man in America is someone you’ve probably never heard of. His name is Brent Douglas, and his comic persona is a rustic, angry fellow named Roy D. Mercer.
For 30 years and until very recently, Douglas and his late partner Phil Stone were the morning DJ’s at KMOD-FM in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Posing as Mercer, Douglas called people at work and complained about some bizarre problem he claimed they’d caused. He then demanded payment or promised “an all-day country ass-whuppin’.”It sounds like a typical prank call played by shock jocks across the country, but Douglas raised this to a level of comedic art, and he did what few if any of his colleagues ever do: he didn’t hurt or humiliate anyone.
After getting his patsy riled up and willing to take him on in a fight, Douglas would let the poor guy or gal in on the joke. Everyone would have a good laugh, and no one was worse for the wear. In other words, Douglas used a fundamental ethical principle as the basis of his humor: do no harm.

Fishin' TalesRead the rest of the article here:

January certainly has been a busy month for Roy! We brought out his new book, Fishin’ Tales in e-book format, available from Amazon at

His latest CD, Red, White & Bruised,  was released through Capitol Nashville/EMI Records this week.

RedWhite&BruisedCDRoy says, “Them folks at Capitol are about to unleash my latest fits of fury on a brand new album. I’m callin’ it RED, WHITE & BRUISED and it s an election year tribute chock full of equal opportunity pop knots, ringtones, and more that’ll put a whole new spin on seein’ stars and stripes.”

You can see it on Amazon:

Tulsa, Oklahoma radio announcer Brent Douglas created the Roy D. Mercer character  in the early 1990s. In 1997, Capitol Records Nashville released the first Roy D. Mercer albums, How Big ‘a Boy Are Ya?, Vols. 1 & 2. Since then, new Roy D. Mercer albums and collections have been released on a regular basis, building a comedy powerhouse that continues to thrive with more than 5 million albums sold to date.

Fishin’ Tales is Roy’s first book. It will soon be available at all major book e-tailers in e-book or print book form. The book focuses Mercer’s wit on the antics of his zany family and many colorful friends, with a few fishing tales thrown in.

A Christmas Letter from Roy D. Mercer

Fishin' TalesRoy is so excited about his new e-book that he’s been on a writing spree. Once I explained the difference between a Kindle and kindling, he’s taken to e-books like a natural.

He wrote me a sweet e-mail letter this morning and I thought I’d share it with our blog visitors because it includes one of his favorite fishing baits. That Roy is such an original. It’s nice to hear that his family, including his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha are all getting in the holiday spirit. Christmas does bring families closer together, especially when they live in a trailer.

Anyway, here’s Roy’s letter.

Sharon Gene’s Christmas gift came in the mail this mornin’. I ordered her a Ray Stevens video tape. I had to check it to be sure it’s not the one with “I Spotted Elvis in a UFO.” She got that one last year from that feller Yurgen, the foreign exchange student from Sweden she saved from heat prostration. He passed out down at the lake and Sharon Gene knelt down next to him and gave him shade til he cooled off.

 I tell you what, I think she’s gained weight since then. Hell, last week she crossed her legs while she was getting’ a thigh wrap and broke the therapist/s arm in two places.

 I’m so glad I ordered the right video. That’s the last of my Christmas shoppin’ except for getting’ Raymond’s waders out of the lay-a-way and pickin’ up Lateesha’s chastity belt from the foundry. We’re tryin’ to stop her from bringin’ joy to the world, one man at a time.

 She come in the other night with so many hickeys on her she looked like she got caught under the mistletoe at the Arkansas athletic dorm.

 Even with all the Season’s Greasins, I been out fishin’ a couple times this week. I been down to Onus Redding’s covered dock on the bay. Been tryin’ to get Raymond to come with me, but he’s so hard headed, he won’t do what a 1,000 people tell him to do.

 I caught a couple of bass on my lucky bait. Well, when it’s this cold, I don’t even use a hook. I just tie a little candy cane on my line after I’ve sucked a sharp point on the short end. Works perdy good. That’s how I caught Sharon Gene. The one that won’t go away.

 Huh-oh. She heard her name and she’s comin’ this way. She’s got that look in her eye like she wants a little Christmas goose after the kids leave the house. I hope she don’t climb onto my lap. This bar stool ain’t gonna hold both of us!

For more of Roy’s family tales and fishing tips, check out his brand spankin’ new e-book at Amazon,



Roy D. Mercer’s “Fishin’ Tales” Now Available on Amazon

Fishin' TalesLakehouse Publishing is proud to announce our first humor book is now available on Amazon. The paperback version is in production and scheduled for release January 1, 2013.

The e-book on Amazon is only $7.99 and available for instant download here:

The e-book will soon be available at all major e-book retail sites.

Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family and there’s fishing.

Few people are aware that Roy keeps a journal filled with observations about his family and his fishing trips. This book shares his tales about life in the double wide with his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

As Roy says, “There always seems to be a ruckus goin’ around here. There was a time when I could settle ‘em down. But then the druggist started gettin’ suspicious at how much Nyquil we’s buyin’.”

It’s always something at the Mercer trailer.

“We just got back from a funeral. Sharon Gene’s cousin, Kelly Gene. His poor mamma was a dislessic and she always thought she named him after the dancer. Died of lime disease. Not from a tick bite, though. No, Kelly Gene was down in Quarez on a Tequila bender and as near as them Mexican doctors could tell, he sucked so many limes, he puckered his windpipe shut and assphixinated. Bad case of lime disease,” said Roy.

There are plenty of homemaking and child rearing tidbits here, but don’t miss out on all of Roy’s great fishing tips and tricks.

Roy doesn’t hold with store-bought bait. He prefers to make his own and he gives out some of the recipes in this book, like:

“Went out there and caught two or three perdy good-sized bass. Done it on some bait I made out of out-of-date biscuit dough, Cocoa Pebbles, and the run-off oil from a can of tuna fish.” You just can’t buy that kind of wisdom at the bait shop.

He also tells of some of his favorite fishing holes while recounting fishing trips with his many fishing buddies.

“Back on Tuesday, me and Raymond went and trickled off down the right leg of Wet Trouser Creek. If you get one of them lake and stream maps, it shows up on that thing as three or four little dark spots that trails off just south of the Tee-Tee River,” Roy says. “I did alright, but Raymond didn’t catch a thing. I told him it was ‘cause of the way he was workin’ his worm. You know usually you want to work a worm slowly back towards you, but for some reason, down on wet trouser creek, to catch anything you got to really give your worm a good shakin’.”

So dive on into Roy’s world and learn the true country way to reel in baskets of fish and deal with family trials and tribulations.


About the Author

boots (2)It’s long been legend that Roy D. Mercer was conceived under a shower of welding sparks and now, it seems that legend may actually be fact. Here’s the story as told in Roy’s own words.

“Mama and Daddy was working on the Hoover Dam back in the late ‘20s or early ‘30s. Daddy was a welder and Mama hauled them weldin’ rods. You know there’s just something about two folks up on a scaffolding by theyselves. It’s hot and they got them big weldin’ goggles on and such, and nature just took its course.

“They was a team, welder and weld-rod holder. Course she held more than just his weld-rod from what I understand. I come out nine months later with a full-growed set a teeth and doubled up fists.”