Gettin’ Ready for the State Fair with Roy

Roy D. Mercer’s latest book is all about the State Fair. As anyone who has ever lived in or near a trailer park can tell you, the State Fair is a big event and it requires plenty of planning and not a little fundraising to properly celebrate the fair!

Lucky for us, Roy keeps a little journal just for himself. It started as an attempt to keep track of all the many secret fishing holes and bait recipes he discovered over the years. Roy also takes a few notes about major events in his life, like the coming of the State Fair every fall.

We pulled all his Fair observations together and created a small book for a quick read. It’s only 99 cents over at the Amazon.

Here’s an excerpt to wet your whistle.

 September 5Image

Heard a great new song on the radio today. Something ‘bout, “It’s a mighty good life when you gotta good wife that’s honeycured.”

We’s doin’ the best we can with what we got, I reckon. All in all I’d say we had us a good week. Got me a new satellite dish. Well, actually, it ain’t a real store bought one. It’s one me and Raymond pieced together out of the guts of an old dish and one of the 57 triple-D fiberglass cups Sharon Gene wears under her chest protecter when she’s umpin’ softball. Gets 57 channels, but for some reason all of ‘em are Fox. Maybe it needs some adjustment.

Speakin’ of Sharon Gene, she’s been a-fastin’ this week. Doin’ perdy good, really. Now she’s down to just two in-between-meal snacks. Tryin’ to shed her a few pounds off before the fair starts next weekend. Last year she got so big from the weight she gained down there she made the punkin on her Halloween sweatshirt look like a nectarine.

And Lateesha’s gettin’ ready for the fair, too. She started buyin’ them generic cigarettes about two months ago and savin’ the extry money so she could get on that mechanical claw and win us enough turquoise jack-knives to give all the nieces and nephews for Christmas.

ImageGot out and fished a time or two this week. First time I got out was back on – I know it weren’t Monday ‘cause that was the day Bon Jovi ate one of the neighbor’s Guinea hens and spent the afternoon howlin’ tryin’ to pass all the feathers. So it musta been Tuesday.

Went down to a pond on Lou Smoltz’s place. Lou’s the little wirey old feller that used to have the hogs down there. And then he went up north for a while and had some kindy fight with the Irish up there. Now he’s down here tryin’ to train a bunch of fightin’ gamecocks.

Done perdy good at his pond. Caught three or four bass big as a Sunday newspaper down there on nothin’ but BBQ Corn Nuts that had soaked overnight in buttermilk.

Then Wednesday, I went over to Cousin Doyle’s house to get his share of the money we’re collectin’ to send Mammaw Upshaw to a Winston Cup race next year for her 70th birthday. Got to talkin’ and me and him ended up down there on Lake Hershey-Squirta. That’s Crow. It means “brave who gathers many leaves.” Went down there and run Doyle’s trotlines. Caught two mud cats and then had to come in cause of all the drizzlin’. Doyle’s boys are all talented. They’ve got them a singin’ group called End Stink.

And yesterday, I’s havin’ a cup a coffee and a maple log down there to C.C. Berryman’s Cafe. C.C. was tellin’ me how he was draggin’ brim the size of truck batteries from down there off the middle finger of Divorce Creek. For some reason it’s kindy like real divorce, except when you’re fishin’ in Divorce Creek, after your bait’s dead, the fish’ll finally quit bitin’.

Roy D. Mercer’s ‘State Fair Follies’ Delivers More Laughs Than a Car Full of Clowns

Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family, there’s fishing, and there’s the State Fair!

The State Fair comes through in the fall, and it’s a magical time of year for so many in the double-wide community. The stars all align with great weather for football, fishing and fair going – it’s a redneck triple score!

State Fair Follies CoverLucky for us, our friend Roy keeps himself a little journal to document his colorful life. It is a great pleasure to share the state fair adventures of the Mercer clan, especially Roy, his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And, of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

Roy does love to recount the antics of his kids.

“These kids of mine … I swear, sometimes I feel like a daddy and other times I feel more like a chimp handler on a Tarzan movie,” Roy said. “But I guess all kids is that way. One minute they make you so proud of ‘em you cain’t hardly stand it. Next thing you know you catch ‘em lightin’ firecrackers in their teeth and playin’ chicken.”

I believe there’s even a mention or two of Kelly Gene and maybe Merva Gene. Roy is dedicated to his family, even when it’s his wife’s.

“Sharon Gene’s cousin Perlene’s bursitis flared up. And wouldn’t you know it, it’s right before the finals in the all-round blacksmith contest,” Roy said. “I think she had a perdy good chance, too. You see, Perlene had perfected her a way to blow air in just the right place so a horse would lift up its own foot so you could speed-shoe it usin’ both hands. Don’t know why I couldn’t of met that side of the family first.”

For those fans of Roy’s fishing stories, never fear, even the fair can’t keep Roy out of the water. He includes a few fishing trips, secret fishing holes, and maybe even some bait master secrets.

It’s always something at the Mercer trailer and there’s nothing like the state fair to get the house apes out and into the action.

boots (2)State Fair Follies is a short book, perfect for bathroom reading or waiting for a doctor visit. It’s 30 or so pages of Mercer zaniness. It is currently only 99 cents. For a full length book, check out Roy’s “Fishin’ Tales,” available as e-book for $4.99 or trade paperback for only $8.99 thanks to a sale on Amazon.

State Fair Follies at Amazon

Fishin’ Tales at Amazon

Huffington Post calls Roy D. Mercer Funniest Man in America!

Bruce Weinstein, The Ethics Guy at Huffington Post, today declared our very own Roy D. Mercer the funniest man in America!

Here’s the opening of the Huffington Post article:
The funniest man in America is someone you’ve probably never heard of. His name is Brent Douglas, and his comic persona is a rustic, angry fellow named Roy D. Mercer.
For 30 years and until very recently, Douglas and his late partner Phil Stone were the morning DJ’s at KMOD-FM in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
Posing as Mercer, Douglas called people at work and complained about some bizarre problem he claimed they’d caused. He then demanded payment or promised “an all-day country ass-whuppin’.”It sounds like a typical prank call played by shock jocks across the country, but Douglas raised this to a level of comedic art, and he did what few if any of his colleagues ever do: he didn’t hurt or humiliate anyone.
After getting his patsy riled up and willing to take him on in a fight, Douglas would let the poor guy or gal in on the joke. Everyone would have a good laugh, and no one was worse for the wear. In other words, Douglas used a fundamental ethical principle as the basis of his humor: do no harm.

Fishin' TalesRead the rest of the article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-weinstein/the-funniest-man-in-ameri_b_2522262.html

January certainly has been a busy month for Roy! We brought out his new book, Fishin’ Tales in e-book format, available from Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AIH65L8.

His latest CD, Red, White & Bruised,  was released through Capitol Nashville/EMI Records this week.

RedWhite&BruisedCDRoy says, “Them folks at Capitol are about to unleash my latest fits of fury on a brand new album. I’m callin’ it RED, WHITE & BRUISED and it s an election year tribute chock full of equal opportunity pop knots, ringtones, and more that’ll put a whole new spin on seein’ stars and stripes.”

You can see it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Red-White-Bruised-Roy-Mercer/dp/B009TEIW80.

Tulsa, Oklahoma radio announcer Brent Douglas created the Roy D. Mercer character  in the early 1990s. In 1997, Capitol Records Nashville released the first Roy D. Mercer albums, How Big ‘a Boy Are Ya?, Vols. 1 & 2. Since then, new Roy D. Mercer albums and collections have been released on a regular basis, building a comedy powerhouse that continues to thrive with more than 5 million albums sold to date.

Fishin’ Tales is Roy’s first book. It will soon be available at all major book e-tailers in e-book or print book form. The book focuses Mercer’s wit on the antics of his zany family and many colorful friends, with a few fishing tales thrown in.

Roy D. Mercer’s Fishin’ Tales, Coming Soon!

Fishin' TalesLakehouse Publishing is proud to announce the impending release of our first humor book.

Roy D. Mercer’s Fishin’ Tales (and the ones that got away) will be available in e-book and paperback very soon. Here’s a peek at the cover and a quick look at the author.

Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family and there’s fishing.

Few people are aware that Roy keeps a journal filled with observations about his family and his fishing trips. This book shares his tales about life in the double wide with his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

As Roy says, “There always seems to be a ruckus goin’ around here. There was a time when I could settle ‘em down. But then the druggist started gettin’ suspiscious at how much Nyquil we’s buyin’.”

It’s always something at the Mercer trailer.

“We just got back from a funeral. Sharon Gene’s cousin, Kelly Gene. His poor mamma was a dislessic and she always thought she named him after the dancer. Died of lime disease. Not from a tick bite, though. No, Kelly Gene was down in Quarez on a Tequila bender and as near as them Mexican doctors could tell, he sucked so many limes, he puckered his windpipe shut and assphixinated. Bad case of lime disease,” said Roy.

There are plenty of homemaking and child rearing tidbits here, but don’t miss out on all of Roy’s great fishing tips and tricks.

Roy doesn’t hold with store-bought bait. He prefers to make his own and he gives out some of the recipes in this book, like:

“Went out there and caught two or three perdy good-sized bass. Done it on some bait I made out of out-of-date biscuit dough, Cocoa Pebbles, and the run-off oil from a can of tuna fish.” You just can’t buy that kind of wisdom at the bait shop.

He also tells of some of his favorite fishing holes while recounting fishing trips with his many fishing buddies.

“Back on Tuesday, me and Raymond went and trickled off down the right leg of Wet Trouser Creek. If you get one of them lake and stream maps, it shows up on that thing as three or four little dark spots that trails off just south of the Tee-Tee River,” Roy says. “I did alright, but Raymond didn’t catch a thing. I told him it was ‘cause of the way he was workin’ his worm. You know usually you want to work a worm slowly back towards you, but for some reason, down on wet trouser creek, to catch anything you got to really give your worm a good shakin’.”

So dive on into Roy’s world and learn the true country way to reel in baskets of fish and deal with family trials and tribulations.

 

About the Author

boots (2)It’s long been legend that Roy D. Mercer was conceived under a shower of welding sparks and now, it seems that legend may actually be fact. Here’s the story as told in Roy’s own words.

“Mama and Daddy was working on the Hoover Dam back in the late ‘20s or early ‘30s. Daddy was a welder and Mama hauled them weldin’ rods. You know there’s just something about two folks up on a scaffolding by theyselves. It’s hot and they got them big weldin’ goggles on and such, and nature just took its course.