Gettin’ Ready for the State Fair with Roy

Roy D. Mercer’s latest book is all about the State Fair. As anyone who has ever lived in or near a trailer park can tell you, the State Fair is a big event and it requires plenty of planning and not a little fundraising to properly celebrate the fair!

Lucky for us, Roy keeps a little journal just for himself. It started as an attempt to keep track of all the many secret fishing holes and bait recipes he discovered over the years. Roy also takes a few notes about major events in his life, like the coming of the State Fair every fall.

We pulled all his Fair observations together and created a small book for a quick read. It’s only 99 cents over at the Amazon.

Here’s an excerpt to wet your whistle.

 September 5Image

Heard a great new song on the radio today. Something ‘bout, “It’s a mighty good life when you gotta good wife that’s honeycured.”

We’s doin’ the best we can with what we got, I reckon. All in all I’d say we had us a good week. Got me a new satellite dish. Well, actually, it ain’t a real store bought one. It’s one me and Raymond pieced together out of the guts of an old dish and one of the 57 triple-D fiberglass cups Sharon Gene wears under her chest protecter when she’s umpin’ softball. Gets 57 channels, but for some reason all of ‘em are Fox. Maybe it needs some adjustment.

Speakin’ of Sharon Gene, she’s been a-fastin’ this week. Doin’ perdy good, really. Now she’s down to just two in-between-meal snacks. Tryin’ to shed her a few pounds off before the fair starts next weekend. Last year she got so big from the weight she gained down there she made the punkin on her Halloween sweatshirt look like a nectarine.

And Lateesha’s gettin’ ready for the fair, too. She started buyin’ them generic cigarettes about two months ago and savin’ the extry money so she could get on that mechanical claw and win us enough turquoise jack-knives to give all the nieces and nephews for Christmas.

ImageGot out and fished a time or two this week. First time I got out was back on – I know it weren’t Monday ‘cause that was the day Bon Jovi ate one of the neighbor’s Guinea hens and spent the afternoon howlin’ tryin’ to pass all the feathers. So it musta been Tuesday.

Went down to a pond on Lou Smoltz’s place. Lou’s the little wirey old feller that used to have the hogs down there. And then he went up north for a while and had some kindy fight with the Irish up there. Now he’s down here tryin’ to train a bunch of fightin’ gamecocks.

Done perdy good at his pond. Caught three or four bass big as a Sunday newspaper down there on nothin’ but BBQ Corn Nuts that had soaked overnight in buttermilk.

Then Wednesday, I went over to Cousin Doyle’s house to get his share of the money we’re collectin’ to send Mammaw Upshaw to a Winston Cup race next year for her 70th birthday. Got to talkin’ and me and him ended up down there on Lake Hershey-Squirta. That’s Crow. It means “brave who gathers many leaves.” Went down there and run Doyle’s trotlines. Caught two mud cats and then had to come in cause of all the drizzlin’. Doyle’s boys are all talented. They’ve got them a singin’ group called End Stink.

And yesterday, I’s havin’ a cup a coffee and a maple log down there to C.C. Berryman’s Cafe. C.C. was tellin’ me how he was draggin’ brim the size of truck batteries from down there off the middle finger of Divorce Creek. For some reason it’s kindy like real divorce, except when you’re fishin’ in Divorce Creek, after your bait’s dead, the fish’ll finally quit bitin’.

Fishin’ Tales Paperback Now Available

The paperback version of Roy D. Mercer’s Fishin’ Tales is now available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. It sure is a pretty thing!

Fishin' TalesThe e-book is available on Amazon, and should soon be available at all the major e-tailers.

See the paperback on Amazon or Barnes & Noble. The e-book is on Amazon as well.

Fishin’ Tales is chock full of Roy’s down-home wisdom and observations, plus a fishing tip or two.

The book is already bringing in some great reviews. Here are a couple of our favorites.

“After I read it, I was happier than a kid with an All-Day sucker and two tongues.”  — Doodles Weaver

“A pack of lies! This whole thing smells fishy.”  — Milton Clump

“Roy rote a book? Makes about as much sense as a chimp doing brain surgery.”  — Dingo Malone

“It’s a 55 gallon drum of Horse-hockey!”  — Fleet Southcott

 

Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family and there’s fishing.

Few people are aware that Roy keeps a journal filled with observations about his family and his fishing trips. This book shares his tales about life in the double wide with his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

As Roy says, “There always seems to be a ruckus goin’ around here. There was a time when I could settle ‘em down. But then the druggist started gettin’ suspicious at how much Nyquil we’s buyin’.”

It’s always something at the Mercer trailer.

“We just got back from a funeral. Sharon Gene’s cousin, Kelly Gene. His poor mamma was a dislessic and she always thought she named him after the dancer. Died of lime disease. Not from a tick bite, though. No, Kelly Gene was down in Quarez on a Tequila bender and as near as them Mexican doctors could tell, he sucked so many limes, he puckered his windpipe shut and assphixinated. Bad case of lime disease,” said Roy.

There are plenty of homemaking and child rearing tidbits here, but don’t miss out on all of Roy’s great fishing tips and tricks.

Roy doesn’t hold with store-bought bait. He prefers to make his own and he gives out some of the recipes in this book, like:

“Went out there and caught two or three perdy good-sized bass. Done it on some bait I made out of out-of-date biscuit dough, Cocoa Pebbles, and the run-off oil from a can of tuna fish.” You just can’t buy that kind of wisdom at the bait shop.

He also tells of some of his favorite fishing holes while recounting fishing trips with his many fishing buddies.

“Back on Tuesday, me and Raymond went and trickled off down the right leg of Wet Trouser Creek. If you get one of them lake and stream maps, it shows up on that thing as three or four little dark spots that trails off just south of the Tee-Tee River,” Roy says. “I did alright, but Raymond didn’t catch a thing. I told him it was ‘cause of the way he was workin’ his worm. You know usually you want to work a worm slowly back towards you, but for some reason, down on wet trouser creek, to catch anything you got to really give your worm a good shakin’.”

So dive on into Roy’s world and learn the true country way to reel in baskets of fish and deal with family trials and tribulations.

 

About the Author

boots (2)It’s long been legend that Roy D. Mercer was conceived under a shower of welding sparks and now, it seems that legend may actually be fact. Here’s the story as told in Roy’s own words.

“Mama and Daddy was working on the Hoover Dam back in the late ‘20s or early ‘30s. Daddy was a welder and Mama hauled them weldin’ rods. You know there’s just something about two folks up on a scaffolding by theyselves. It’s hot and they got them big weldin’ goggles on and such, and nature just took its course.

“They was a team, welder and weld-rod holder. Course she held more than just his weld-rod from what I understand. I come out nine months later with a full-growed set a teeth and doubled up fists.” 

 

Roy D. Mercer’s “Fishin’ Tales” Now Available on Amazon

Fishin' TalesLakehouse Publishing is proud to announce our first humor book is now available on Amazon. The paperback version is in production and scheduled for release January 1, 2013.

The e-book on Amazon is only $7.99 and available for instant download here:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AIH65L8k

The e-book will soon be available at all major e-book retail sites.

Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family and there’s fishing.

Few people are aware that Roy keeps a journal filled with observations about his family and his fishing trips. This book shares his tales about life in the double wide with his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

As Roy says, “There always seems to be a ruckus goin’ around here. There was a time when I could settle ‘em down. But then the druggist started gettin’ suspicious at how much Nyquil we’s buyin’.”

It’s always something at the Mercer trailer.

“We just got back from a funeral. Sharon Gene’s cousin, Kelly Gene. His poor mamma was a dislessic and she always thought she named him after the dancer. Died of lime disease. Not from a tick bite, though. No, Kelly Gene was down in Quarez on a Tequila bender and as near as them Mexican doctors could tell, he sucked so many limes, he puckered his windpipe shut and assphixinated. Bad case of lime disease,” said Roy.

There are plenty of homemaking and child rearing tidbits here, but don’t miss out on all of Roy’s great fishing tips and tricks.

Roy doesn’t hold with store-bought bait. He prefers to make his own and he gives out some of the recipes in this book, like:

“Went out there and caught two or three perdy good-sized bass. Done it on some bait I made out of out-of-date biscuit dough, Cocoa Pebbles, and the run-off oil from a can of tuna fish.” You just can’t buy that kind of wisdom at the bait shop.

He also tells of some of his favorite fishing holes while recounting fishing trips with his many fishing buddies.

“Back on Tuesday, me and Raymond went and trickled off down the right leg of Wet Trouser Creek. If you get one of them lake and stream maps, it shows up on that thing as three or four little dark spots that trails off just south of the Tee-Tee River,” Roy says. “I did alright, but Raymond didn’t catch a thing. I told him it was ‘cause of the way he was workin’ his worm. You know usually you want to work a worm slowly back towards you, but for some reason, down on wet trouser creek, to catch anything you got to really give your worm a good shakin’.”

So dive on into Roy’s world and learn the true country way to reel in baskets of fish and deal with family trials and tribulations.

 

About the Author

boots (2)It’s long been legend that Roy D. Mercer was conceived under a shower of welding sparks and now, it seems that legend may actually be fact. Here’s the story as told in Roy’s own words.

“Mama and Daddy was working on the Hoover Dam back in the late ‘20s or early ‘30s. Daddy was a welder and Mama hauled them weldin’ rods. You know there’s just something about two folks up on a scaffolding by theyselves. It’s hot and they got them big weldin’ goggles on and such, and nature just took its course.

“They was a team, welder and weld-rod holder. Course she held more than just his weld-rod from what I understand. I come out nine months later with a full-growed set a teeth and doubled up fists.”

 

 

Roy D. Mercer’s Fishin’ Tales, Coming Soon!

Fishin' TalesLakehouse Publishing is proud to announce the impending release of our first humor book.

Roy D. Mercer’s Fishin’ Tales (and the ones that got away) will be available in e-book and paperback very soon. Here’s a peek at the cover and a quick look at the author.

Roy D. Mercer is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings. There’s family and there’s fishing.

Few people are aware that Roy keeps a journal filled with observations about his family and his fishing trips. This book shares his tales about life in the double wide with his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

As Roy says, “There always seems to be a ruckus goin’ around here. There was a time when I could settle ‘em down. But then the druggist started gettin’ suspiscious at how much Nyquil we’s buyin’.”

It’s always something at the Mercer trailer.

“We just got back from a funeral. Sharon Gene’s cousin, Kelly Gene. His poor mamma was a dislessic and she always thought she named him after the dancer. Died of lime disease. Not from a tick bite, though. No, Kelly Gene was down in Quarez on a Tequila bender and as near as them Mexican doctors could tell, he sucked so many limes, he puckered his windpipe shut and assphixinated. Bad case of lime disease,” said Roy.

There are plenty of homemaking and child rearing tidbits here, but don’t miss out on all of Roy’s great fishing tips and tricks.

Roy doesn’t hold with store-bought bait. He prefers to make his own and he gives out some of the recipes in this book, like:

“Went out there and caught two or three perdy good-sized bass. Done it on some bait I made out of out-of-date biscuit dough, Cocoa Pebbles, and the run-off oil from a can of tuna fish.” You just can’t buy that kind of wisdom at the bait shop.

He also tells of some of his favorite fishing holes while recounting fishing trips with his many fishing buddies.

“Back on Tuesday, me and Raymond went and trickled off down the right leg of Wet Trouser Creek. If you get one of them lake and stream maps, it shows up on that thing as three or four little dark spots that trails off just south of the Tee-Tee River,” Roy says. “I did alright, but Raymond didn’t catch a thing. I told him it was ‘cause of the way he was workin’ his worm. You know usually you want to work a worm slowly back towards you, but for some reason, down on wet trouser creek, to catch anything you got to really give your worm a good shakin’.”

So dive on into Roy’s world and learn the true country way to reel in baskets of fish and deal with family trials and tribulations.

 

About the Author

boots (2)It’s long been legend that Roy D. Mercer was conceived under a shower of welding sparks and now, it seems that legend may actually be fact. Here’s the story as told in Roy’s own words.

“Mama and Daddy was working on the Hoover Dam back in the late ‘20s or early ‘30s. Daddy was a welder and Mama hauled them weldin’ rods. You know there’s just something about two folks up on a scaffolding by theyselves. It’s hot and they got them big weldin’ goggles on and such, and nature just took its course.