Roy D. Mercer’s Fishin’ Tales

Lakehouse Publishing is proud to announce that our first humor book is now available on Amazon. The paperback version is in production and scheduled for release January 1, 2013.

The e-book on Amazon is only $7.99 and available for instant download here:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AIH65L8k

The e-book will soon be available at all major e-book retail sites.

Roy is best known for his colorful phone calls and threats of ass whuppin’s and pop knots, but people who really know Roy realize there’s more to him than misunderstandings.

There’s family and there’s fishing.

Few people are aware that Roy keeps a journal filled with observations about his family and his fishing trips. This book shares his tales about life in the double wide with his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha. And of course, Lateesha’s dog, Bon Jovi.

As Roy says, “There always seems to be a ruckus goin’ around here. There was a time when I could settle ‘em down. But then the druggist started gettin’ suspiscious at how much Nyquil we’s buyin’.”

It’s always something at the Mercer trailer.

“We just got back from a funeral. Sharon Gene’s cousin, Kelly Gene. His poor mamma was a dislessic and she always thought she named him after the dancer. Died of lime disease. Not from a tick bite, though. No, Kelly Gene was down in Quarez on a Tequila bender and as near as them Mexican doctors could tell, he sucked so many limes, he puckered his windpipe shut and assphixinated. Bad case of lime disease,” said Roy.

There are plenty of homemaking and child rearing tidbits here, but don’t miss out on all of Roy’s great fishing tips and tricks.

Roy doesn’t hold with store-bought bait. He prefers to make his own and he gives out some of the recipes in this book, like:

“Went out there and caught two or three perdy good-sized bass. Done it on some bait I made out of out-of-date biscuit dough, Cocoa Pebbles, and the run-off oil from a can of tuna fish.” You just can’t buy that kind of wisdom at the bait shop.

He also tells of some of his favorite fishing holes while recounting fishing trips with his many fishing buddies.

“Back on Tuesday, me and Raymond went and trickled off down the right leg of Wet Trouser Creek. If you get one of them lake and stream maps, it shows up on that thing as three or four little dark spots that trails off just south of the Tee-Tee River,” Roy says. “I did alright, but Raymond didn’t catch a thing. I told him it was ‘cause of the way he was workin’ his worm. You know usually you want to work a worm slowly back towards you, but for some reason, down on wet trouser creek, to catch anything you got to really give your worm a good shakin’.”

So dive on into Roy’s world and learn the true country way to reel in baskets of fish and deal with family trials and tribulations.

About the Author

It’s long been legend that Roy D. Mercer was conceived under a shower of welding sparks and now, it seems that legend may actually be fact. Here’s the story as told in Roy’s own words.

“Mama and Daddy was working on the Hoover Dam back in the late ‘20s or early ‘30s. Daddy was a welder and Mama hauled them weldin’ rods. You know there’s just something about two folks up on a scaffolding by theyselves. It’s hot and they got them big weldin’ goggles on and such, and nature just took its course.

“They was a team, welder and weld-rod holder. Course she held more than just his weld-rod from what I understand. I come out nine months later with a full-growed set a teeth and doubled up fists.”

Huffington Post calls Roy D. Mercer Funniest Man in America!

Bruce Weinstein, The Ethics Guy at Huffington Post,  declared our very own Roy D. Mercer the funniest man in America on January 24, 2013!

Here’s the opening of the Huffington Post article:

The funniest man in America is someone you’ve probably never heard of. His name is Brent Douglas, and his comic persona is a rustic, angry fellow named Roy D. Mercer.

For 30 years and until very recently, Douglas and his late partner Phil Stone were the morning DJ’s at KMOD-FM in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Posing as Mercer, Douglas called people at work and complained about some bizarre problem he claimed they’d caused. He then demanded payment or promised “an all-day country ass-whuppin’.”It sounds like a typical prank call played by shock jocks across the country, but Douglas raised this to a level of comedic art, and he did what few if any of his colleagues ever do: he didn’t hurt or humiliate anyone.

After getting his patsy riled up and willing to take him on in a fight, Douglas would let the poor guy or gal in on the joke. Everyone would have a good laugh, and no one was worse for the wear. In other words, Douglas used a fundamental ethical principle as the basis of his humor: do no harm.

Read the rest of the article here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bruce-weinstein/the-funniest-man-in-ameri_b_2522262.html

A Christmas Letter from Roy D. Mercer

Roy is so excited about his new e-book that he’s been on a writing spree. Once I explained the difference between a Kindle and kindling, he’s taken to e-books like a natural.

He wrote me a sweet e-mail letter this morning and I thought I’d share it with our blog visitors because it includes one of his favorite fishing baits. That Roy is such an original. It’s nice to hear that his family, including his wife Sharon Gene, son Raymond, and step-daughter Lateesha are all getting in the holiday spirit. Christmas does bring families closer together, especially when they live in a trailer.

Anyway, here’s Roy’s letter.

Sharon Gene’s Christmas gift came in the mail this mornin’. I ordered her a Ray Stevens video tape. I had to check it to be sure it’s not the one with “I Spotted Elvis in a UFO.” She got that one last year from that feller Yurgen, the foreign exchange student from Sweden she saved from heat prostration. He passed out down at the lake and Sharon Gene knelt down next to him and gave him shade til he cooled off.

 I tell you what, I think she’s gained weight since then. Hell, last week she crossed her legs while she was getting’ a thigh wrap and broke the therapist/s arm in two places.

 I’m so glad I ordered the right video. That’s the last of my Christmas shoppin’ except for getting’ Raymond’s waders out of the lay-a-way and pickin’ up Lateesha’s chastity belt from the foundry. We’re tryin’ to stop her from bringin’ joy to the world, one man at a time.

 She come in the other night with so many hickeys on her she looked like she got caught under the mistletoe at the Arkansas athletic dorm.

 Even with all the Season’s Greasins, I been out fishin’ a couple times this week. I been down to Onus Redding’s covered dock on the bay. Been tryin’ to get Raymond to come with me, but he’s so hard headed, he won’t do what a 1,000 people tell him to do.

 I caught a couple of bass on my lucky bait. Well, when it’s this cold, I don’t even use a hook. I just tie a little candy cane on my line after I’ve sucked a sharp point on the short end. Works perdy good. That’s how I caught Sharon Gene. The one that won’t go away.

 Huh-oh. She heard her name and she’s comin’ this way. She’s got that look in her eye like she wants a little Christmas goose after the kids leave the house. I hope she don’t climb onto my lap. This bar stool ain’t gonna hold both of us!

For more of Roy’s family tales and fishing tips, check out his brand spankin’ new e-book at Amazon, http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00AIH65L8.